


Oblivious// Wolfstar

by SecretlyLonelyWrites



Series: Oblivious Wolfstar Trilogy [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Marauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 08:04:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 12,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15166250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretlyLonelyWrites/pseuds/SecretlyLonelyWrites
Summary: It's fourth year for the Marauders. During summer, Remus is always at a dog park. One day he sees a big black dog who wont leave him alone. Remus doesn't mind though. He is completely oblivious.This story follows the two boys in their early feelings and relationship with each other. This was originally posted on Wattpad under the same name on my account, so no stealing has occurred.





	1. A Walk in the Park

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, This story was originally posted on Wattpad, so the formatting is different and may look weird on AO3. This is the first story I ever wrote so I apologize in advance for some errors or sloppiness that may occur. The chapters get longer as time goes on and if you decide that you like this story, you can read the next book in the series titled Ignorance. I promise that one will be better!  
>  Thanks for reading,   
> SecretlyLonelyWrites

          Remus walked to the dog park every morning since he left Hogwarts for the summer. He enjoyed the company of dogs,and it was a nice peaceful place for him to relax. Most of the time he would have a book with him,but other times he just watched the dogs play in the grass.

     Presently he was reading a book on a bench when he felt something wet on his leg.He glanced down to see a fluffy black dog staring up at him.

" Hello there, what's your name?".

He leaned down and placed his hand on the dogs neck,where his collar should've been.

' hmm,that's weird,' Remus thought to himself.

The black dog nudged the book out Remus' hands and started to pull on his pants gently. Whining as he did so.

" Ok, ok. Jeeze you remind me of someone I know back at school,"Remus laughed he swore he saw the dog smile at him when he said that.

Remus and the dog walked through the park together,the dog always at his side. He never left to chase other dogs,which surprised Remus. The warm summer blew through his sandy brown hair as he thought about his friends at school. They were going into their fourth year after the summer.

Remus was still shocked that his friends were fine with him being a werewolf. They had confronted him about the last week of school,and Remus was terrified the whole time. He still thought when he came back from summer they would hate him. He couldn't bear the thought of Sirius hating him. Remus couldn't figure it out,but there was something about boy that Remus loved.

Just then he was snapped out of his thoughts when the dog nudged him. He felt something on his cheek.He slowly raised his hand and touched his cheeks. Remus realized he was crying.

The dog started whimpering and looked up at him with worried eyes. The dog was rubbing itself against Remus' leg. Remus sat down and pet the dog gingerly.He was fighting tears, but eventually gave up and let them flow freely. The dog came up to him and licked his face, getting rid of the tears. He curled up next to Remus and fell asleep.

Remus watched the dog,petting it subconsciously. Remus fell asleep at the dog park, and didn't wake up until it was 8:00 pm. He pat the dog and got up. He slowly walked home with his book in hands. He thought only of the dog and the good times he had with him. And he was completely oblivious.

Edited 1/29/17

 


	2. Back To Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders go back to Hogwarts for their fourth year and the boys have a surprise for Remus...

Remus waited on the train for his "friends". He was terrified that they had changed their minds and didn't want to be friends anymore because of his condition. He started thinking about the black dog again when he herd the compartment door open.

The sounds of laughter filled Remus' ears. He looked up to see two black haired boys. One was slight taller than the other. The taller had long hair and grey eyes. The shorter had messy hair and slightly askew glasses. Remus smiled at them. " Hey Moo-" James started but Sirius elbowed him. "OW!"

" Hey Remus, how was your summer?" Sirius asked, his eyes smiling. 

 

" Good, you?"

Sirius frowned 

" It was something.."

The compartment became silent until James spoke up.

"Oi! We got some pranks to plan, right boys?"

" yeah!"

Sirius replied happily. Right at that moment Peter walked in. Remus got up to help him put his trunk up, while James and Sirius continued making plans.

*

Remus was on his bed reading a book when James called his name. He looked up to see all three boys standing in a straight line.

' oh no' He thought ' this can't be good'. 

He set his book down and watched them cautiously. James started talking.

" Remus, we all know that your a werewolf so we took it upon ourselves to make the transformations easier. It took us all summer to do this and we hope you like it. Now I proudly introduce" 

He pointed to Sirius.

" Padfoot" 

Sirius turned into a fluffy black dog. Remus gasped.

' I know this dog from somewhere, I just know it'

He thought before James pointed to Peter. 

" Wormtail" He transformed into a rat. Remus couldn't believe what was happening.

" And I am Prongs"

James commented before magically turning into a stag.

The sandy haired boy felt tears welling up in his eyes and his vision became blurred. 

" What's wrong Moony?" Asked Sirius concerned.

" M-M-Moony?" Remus managed to get out.

"Yeah, that's you, mate!"

He burst into happy tears. Sirius as Padfoot curled up next to him.

*

When everyone else had gone to bed, Remus asked Sirius something. " Padfoot?"

"Yeah moons?"

"Where were you this summer?"

"When ?"

"Towards the beginning" 

Sirius gulped. He hadn't thought that Remus remembered the summer.

" I went to a cafe "

"Did you go anywhere as a dog?"

"Uh, yeah, I may have gone to a dog park once"

"Really what dog park?"

"The one in GlenWood,why?" 

"You know why, Sirius!"Remus sounded annoyed 

Sirius gulped again.

"Sorry, I didn't think you'd remember by the time I showed you Padfoot "

" You know how creepy that is?" Remus laughed.

" I know, I'm sorry" Sirius said this with a strong sound of regret and sadness in his voice.  
"It's ok Pads. I was only joking . Are you ok?"

" yeah, I'm fine. Goodnight Moony "

"Night"

*

Sirius lay in bed thinking. The reason he had gone to the dog park was because he needed to get away from his parents. He Knew the dog park was by his Moony's house. He didn't think even for a second that Remus would be there though. 

He had found himself thinking about the smart boy more and more often. He always admired the other boy's appearance. He loved his eyes and his nose and his scars. Remus' scars were something the lyncanthrope considered tobe ugly. Sirius thought otherwise though. He believed his scars were unique and showed just how brave Remus was. 

He would never tell Remus that though. It would hurt both of them, and he couldn't bear that.

And Remus was completely oblivious.

Edited 1/29/17


	3. Late

Remus woke up and rubbed his eyes. The room was awfully quiet, he couldn't even hear Peter's loud, obnoxious snoring.  He sat up and looked around. No one was there, all the beds were abandoned. Remus swiveled his head to the clock on my nightstand. He had to blink a few times before his tired eyes focused on the face of the clock.

9:00

He  jumped out of bed quickly.

 _Great! I'm late!_  

He thought as he quickly pull on his skinny jeans. Remus ran through the halls trying to get to class as fast as possible. He ramed into somebody, knocking him into the hard wall in the process. 

 " I'm so sorry," He said hurriedly.

" I'm late and I'm never usually late, and I don't wanna get in trouble..." 

Remus rambled until he got interrupted by a very loud laugh. He looked up, confused, to see  Sirius, red in the face from laughing.  He blushed deeply and said

 " Oh, it's just you".

He stopped  laughing immediately and he looked slightly more offended than he thought he needed to.

" I'm only joking, mate, calm down " 

He said with a smile on his scarred face. Remus was worried about the Black. He'd been acting weird lately. Moony grabbed his arm, and could swear he felt  him freeze. He ignored it and dragged his companion along to potions class.

" We don't want to keep Slughorn waiting do we?"

 Remus asked, giving him a reassuring smile.

Sirius' face relaxed and he grinned back, 

" Of course not! We all know that he loves me so dearly and could never be apart from me".

 He batted his eyes innocently and Remus laugh, glad he was getting back to his normal cheery self. He proceeded to drag him off to class. 

 

**Edited 1/29/17**


	4. Late Pt. 2

Remus and Sirius walked to class, Remus slightly pulling the latter. The raven haired boy was enjoying Remus' touch. He wasn't in a hurry, though it was obvious that his companion was. 

When they reached the classroom Remus opened the door quietly, hoping that Professor Slughorn wouldn't notice the two students.

 Instead, the teacher stopped the class and put all the attention on the two Marauders.

" Mr. Lupin, Mr. Black. Where have you been?" 

He asked with his had mid sentence on the chalk board. Remus started to talk but Sirius took it upon himself to inform the professor without Remus' help.

" Well you see professor, as much as we Love your class, and we really do, we just couldn't be bothered to get up at 7. " 

 Remus' jaw dropped.

 " no, no.." he tried to say, but was once again interrupted by a very eager Sirius

" And then you also have breakfast, and we were very hungry you see, so really you should be grateful that we showed up at all." 

Sirius ended it with a wide smile. Remus face palmed and gave professor Slughorn a pleading look. 

While Remus told the professor what really happened and apologized for his " Classmate's inappropriate behavior", Sirius turned around to see James trying to hold back laughter. Sirius gave him a thumbs up. Suddenly he felt a hand grab his wrist and pull him to the back of the class with the rest of his animagi friends.

*****

Sirius and James laughed as they walked out of their dear Professor Slughorn's class. James clapped Sirius on the back. 

"That was a good one, mate!"

 " Yeah, it was Ok" Sirius said turning to face Moony. 

His face was steaming red. 

 " Hey Moony, what's wrong?" Sirius asked. His smile was  now gone.

" I'll tell you whats wrong,Sirius! I've just got detention for the first time in my life! And you've got it with me!"

 Remus yelled and stormed off down the hall. Sirius turned back to face James. 

 " We've got detention?" he asked confused. 

James laughed at his confused look. 

" Yeah mate! Slughorn doesn't like sassy students, apparently" he shrugged, patting Sirius on the back again. 

 "Good luck! " he added, referring to their werewolf friend, and ran off quickly. He had spotted Lily and wanted to talk to her before their next class.

Sirius watched as his friend ran off, Peter trotting close behind him. 

He sighed and started walking towards the dorm, seeing as it was his free period. He hoped Remus would be there. He hated seeing Remus mad at him. But it wasn't really his fault, it was just his nature, Right?

He reached the portrait of the fat lady. " Password?"

"pumpkin pasties" Sirius replied. 

He wasn't really watching where he was going as he crawled through the portrait hole. That ended up being a bad idea because he tripped over a chair leg, hit his arm on the sharp corner of a side table and landed face first into a cushion.

 Sirius groaned and started to get up but froze when the sound of laughter fill his ears. He looked up to see Remus reading a book in the chair right next to the one Sirius landed in.

" MOONY! You have no idea how glad I am to see you!" he shouted and jumped up.

 He pulled Remus into a hug.

 " I'm so sorry Moony! I didn't mean for us to get detention! I was just having fun that's all! Please don't be mad at me!" Sirius pleaded to his friend, which he was now squeezing the air out of.

" Pad- fut! pleaz let go of me..." Remus said out of breath.

" Oh, sorry Moony!" The raven haired boy said, letting go of Remus. 

The shorter boy took some breaths before chuckling. He pulled the other boy in to a quick smaller hug. 

"Oh Paddy, dramatic as always. I'm not mad anymore. It was bound to happen eventually right?" He asked giving the Black a gentle smile.

 Sirius was so relieved. He plopped down in a chair and let out a breath 

" Whew! For a second there I thought we would never be friends again!" Sirius said putting his hand across this forehead dramatically. Remus laughed and pulled out a box. 

" How about we play some games, huh?"

" Yeah! That sounds great Moony!"

 So the two boys played games until they fell asleep. Eventually James and Peter had to come get them up so they wouldn't be late to class again.

**edited 1/29/17**


	5. What Friends Are For

Remus woke up to the sound of a heavy door opening. He groaned and tried to move but a searing pain shot through his back. 

He suddenly remembered that last night was the full moon. He didn't remember what happened exactly, but apparently the lanky boy hurt his back. Jus then he heard a quiet voice.

" Please, Madam Pomfrey! I'll be quiet. 

"Oh, alright! But don't wake him!"

Remus couldn't quite make out who was talking. But before he could even process what was happening, he could hear footsteps echoing across the stone halls of the hospital wing.

 He stayed quiet, not wanting anyone to know he was awake. The mysterious person sat beside Remus.

" I know you hurt your back, Moony," he said as he started to rub circles in Remus' back. It felt really good and eased his pain.

" We should have been more careful. I'm so sorry! I wish I could help you."  He paused for a moment. As if he was pondering what to say. He did seem to think Remus was asleep, but he articulated his sentences as if every word counted.

" It breaks my heart to see you in pain. I know you can't  _really_  hear me. But it feels like you can."

 He sighed slowly and continued rubbing the other boy's back. It felt so nice to him that he sighed in contentment. Sirius  stopped for a second, scared, but continued on. 

Remus started to wonder what he was even doing there. Why he wasn't asleep? He turned over, painfully,and looked at him. Remus turned his grimace into a smile.

" Hello, Sirius"

He smiled back. 

" How long have you been awake?"

" Not too long. Thanks for the back rub,"

 He said stretching out.

" Oh, yeah. No problem. I can keep going if you'd like"

" Yeah, that'd be nice". He smiled down at Remus and started rubbing his back again.

His eyes looked so full of care.   
As if one wrong move would hurt the boy's fragile bones.  
They way his eyes sparkled with genuine happiness.   
Something that can be hard to find.

" Your eyes are pretty". 

It just slipped out. From sleep or something more, Remus  didn't know. 

Sirius laughed. A quiet laugh, but still a real one. He stared down at Moony. 

" Thank you." 

And that was it. Short and sweet. Nothing more, nothing less. He had said it as if it meant the world.

Remus fell asleep soon after that, with the other boy still rubbing circles in his back. 

Remus never knew how long the Black stayed, or if he got any sleep. But he did know that Sirius was there when he needed him. That made him a great  _friend._

  
_Just a friend._   
  
_Nothing more, nothing less._

_Right?_

_Never had Remus been more_ _ oblivious. _

**Edited 1/29/17**


	6. Stardust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of slightly suicidal thoughts

Sirius took a long drag from his cigarette. It calmed him down. He inhaled the smoke and sighed. The stars looked so beautiful that night. Reminded him of a certain someone's eyes. He shook his head.  

 _No, don't think about him_.

The boy chuckled softly.  It's not easy for him to just  **forget** , even with a cigarette clouding his   thoughts. He looked down at the ground, his long hair covering his face.  It was a long way down. Sirius sighed again and sat down on the edge of the wall of the astronomy tower. He put the tube between his chapped lips and let the smoke fill his lungs. Slowly the teen took it away and flicked some of the ash into a crevice between the stones on the ledge he was sitting on. He closed his eyes.

_How easy would it be to just jump?_

_Let it all go_

_Forget about my family,_

_about Remus ,_

_about everything._

_I could let go and just fly._

The black didn't even realize he was stepping off the edge until something grabbed his wrist. He whipped around to see the  _eyes_. The eyes He'd been dreaming about, thinking about, and trying to forget.

" Sirius? What are you doing?"

Sirius smiled softly at him.  " Don't worry about me Remus, I'm fine."

Remus sighed and shook his head. Sirius could tell he didn't believe him, but he didn't object. Moony just sat down on the floor and patted the spot next to him. The boy reluctantly sat down. 

Remus took the  cigarette from his friend's hand and observed it. Looking at the orange stripe against the white cylinder , as if it was a foreign object. He ran the end along the stone floors and threw it down across the room. 

" Haven't seen one of those in a while," he said chuckling.  Remus looked up at the stars and grabbed Sirius'  hand subconsciously.  The latter's breath hitched in his throat. Remus seemed not to notice. Padfoot wasn't sure if he was pretending or not.

Pointing at the sky, the werewolf started talking about the stars. Somehow this calmed the animagus  more than any amount of smoke or alcohol ever could. Remus knew how much he loved the stars. Everything about them. 

How they are little balls of fire. They occupy all of the universe. They seem so large and important, yet they are so insignificant. Billions of stars and there are so many that just go out each minute. They just die without any notice, like they were never there at all.

_Just like humans._

Sirus felt someone squeeze his hand. He looked at Remus. He was staring into Sirius' eyes. It was like he could read his mind, look inside souls.

" You know Pads, we're all made out of stardust"

Sirius just smiled at him,lovingly. How could he just think of something so inspirational off the top of his head?

" Sirius. If you ever need someone don't forget I'm here for you. And if you're ever feeling like your an unimportant human being, just remember you really are a star. You're the dog star, Sirius. It flows in your blood. To remind yourself of how truly wonderful you are just look at that star and think of me. Think of the marauders and how much we all care for you so much. "

" Thank you, Moony. That really means a lot to me."He smiled at him and they stayed like that for the rest of the night.

Remus drifted off to sleep after a while. The Black conjured up a blanket from their bedroom and laid it across the two boys. He looked up at the stars and for once in  the whole week, He truly felt content.

" Goodnight, Moony" 

 

**Edited 1/29/17**


	7. Broken Boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italics are dreams or memories

_"Siri! Come Play!"_

_" I'm coming Reg"_

_The two young boys ran through the manor,chasing each other gleefully. This was the last summer they had before the older of the two had to go to Hogwarts. Sirius ran past the family tree tapestry without a care in the world. As he ran up the stairs he was stopped by his father._

_" Sirius you're much too old to be playing such childish games,don't you think?" Sirius gulped and nodded sheepishly. " Besides, don't you have packing to do?" Sirius nodded again. His father pushed him towards the bedroom. Sirius stumbled forward and walked to the room._

_"FASTER!"_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_Sirius packed his trunk in his room. He packed his inks and quill ,along with his spell books. He tucked his wand away into his pocket._

_"Siri, come play with me!"_

_"not right now,Regulus"_

_The younger boy tugged on his sleeve. "Pleease"_

_Sirius shoved him away " I Said not now!" Regulus backed away. His eyes were filled with an emotion._

_Terrified_

_" Reg,I'm sorry," Sirius tried. Regulus ran,tears streaming down his face. Sirius dropped to his knees._

_"I'm sorry"_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

"Sirius wake up! We're gonna be late to Charms!" 

Sirius opened his eyes to find Remus standing over him. He subconsciously wiped his eyes. Remus seemed to notice.

" Pads, are you okay?" 

He nodded, trying to hold in the sob. Remus smiled at him sympathetically for a moment before pulling on to his feet. He threw clothes into his face.

"Hurry up!"

Sirius laughed and quickly put the clothes on. Remus grabbed his hands and dragged him out the door. Butterflies erupted in his stomach.

They started walking faster and eventually broke out into a run. Sirius saw a flash of green and silver and looked behind him. There was his younger brother Regulus. Regulus seemed to sense Sirius looking at him and turned his head. Sirius was confronted with a death stare, filled with hatred.

Sirius slowed down. His vision blurred. Memories flashed through his head. He felt like he couldn't breath. He collapsed to the ground and started choking on sobs he was trying to hold back. They racked his body.  
  


"Sirius? Sirius are you ok?" 

Remus turned around to find Sirius on his hands and knees. He looked like he was being electrocuted. The werewolf dropped down. He  thought he heard the other boy whisper something under his breath.

" I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

Remus rubbed his back. 

 " It's ok. You'll be ok."

 He looked up at me and his face was red and covered in salty tears. Remus tried to smile at him. He hated seeing him like this. He looked so broken. Moony gently pulled him up and walked him to the bathroom.

Remus turned on the sink and pulled his long silky hair back. He rubbed tiny circles in Sirius' back as he splashed the cold water into his face. After a while he sat down on the floor.

"Take deep breaths" 

 Remus sat behind him and started to braid his hair. " What's wrong, Padfoot?"

He spoke slowly, " You wouldn't understand"

" Wouldn't I?"

" Everyone hates me"

" I don't, James and Pete don't"

" My whole family does"

"Oh, I see. What makes you think I wouldn't understand"

He laughed," Because everyone loves you"

Remus scooted closer to him. 

"That's not true. My family despises werewolves. They would always say how they were mindless creatures. When I was bitten our relationship was never the same. I never really talk to them and I avoid going home for the holidays"

Sirius was silent for a while. " I never knew that"

"I've never told anyone"

They sat there for a while. Remus heard his stomach growl, so he suggested they go the the kitchen.

" Sure, Moony"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Remus was sitting on his bed reading his DADA book, when a big black dog jumped on his lap. Remus laughed and tried to push the dog off, but he transformed.

" Yes, Sirius?"

" Can I talk to you?"

" Of course"

" I have to tell you something..... I'm .. I think I'm gay?"

" That doesn't matter to me. You know that"

" Yeah I know, but..."

" But what?"

" IthinkIlikeyou"

"What?"

" I said.... I think... IthinkIlike....you"

The room was silent. Sirius tried to move off of Remus' bed,but Remus had a firm hold on his wrist.

" Please say something, anything"

Silence

" At least let me go!"

Remus sighed and pulled Sirius into a hug. " Do you really?"

Sirius nodded,unsure. Remus laughed. " Oh, thank God!"

" Moony?"

Remus let go of the other boy. Sirius looked at him confused. Remus was pondering something in his mind before he leaned in and gave Sirius a peck on the lips. Sirius sat there for a second before pulling Remus in for another  kiss.

They pulled away after a moment. Sirius turned into Padfoot and curled up against Remus and that's how they spent the rest of the night.  
  
  
  
  
  


**Edited 1/29/17**


	8. Transformation

Sirius sat anxiously by the window. His leg was shaking, he was itching to run into the shrieking shack. Tonight was the full moon and he wasn't going to miss it like he did the last one.

" Calm down mate, we'll make it."

James put his hand on Sirius' shoulder and smiled at him reassuringly. He smiled back but his anxiety didn't lessen at all.

Finally a figure appeared from underneath the Whomping Willow. Upon further look it turned out that is was none other than Madam Pomfrey. 

Siri stood up quickly and raced down the corridors to get to the doors. He could hear James and Peter's heavy footfalls behind him. Peter was already out of breath, but that didn't make the Black slow down. He kept sprinting and didn't stop until he got just in front of the Willow.

He transformed into Padfoot and found a slender,but sturdy branch to poke the knot in the tree with. He jabbed the root and hurried into the long damp tunnel. 

Sirius could smell the dirt and blood from past moons as he scampered through the tunnel.

Slowly, he opened the trapdoor. No sign of a werewolf yet, but the animagus could hear Remus start to groan from the pain. He followed his sharp canine senses into the living room area.

Remus was on the floor,writhing in pain. Sirius trotted up to him,still in dog form, and licked his face.

That's when the screaming began.

He covered his ears with his paws and started whining. By then Peter and James were there too. Sirius didn't know how they could just stand there and watch as Remus let out blood curdling shrieks of agony.

He told himself it would all be over soon. He didn't know how Remus deals with this every month. 

As Siri finally looked back at Remus, a fully transformed werewolf stood in his place. He let a howl before coming over to them to investigate. He nipped at Padfoot's ear before running around and letting out his wolfish bark. Sirius took this as a sign that it was okay to play.

Padfoot chased him around the room, occasionally tackling him and nipping playfully. Moony layed down to sleep so the dog licked his face. He curled up next to his Moony and They slept for a while.

_He was walking through the dog park. He was tired of spending time with the dreaded people he called his family. As Sirius rounded a corner, he  saw a boy with golden brown hair. He trotted over to him and pulled on his trousers. He looked down at the dog and smiled. He lazily rolled over and his tongue hung out of my mouth. The boy laughed and ran his hand through the fur on his stomach.  After a while , Sirius jumped up and started running and barking, hoping Remus would play with him. He seemed to have got the message. He picked up a stick and threw it for Padfoot to catch._

Sirius woke to the sound of a hoof hitting the floor of the shack. It was prongs. Siri guessed he got tired of watching the two canines sleep.

He nudged Moony carefully. He opened his eyes groggily. Padfoot barked a little to let him know it was play time again.

~

The morning sun shone through the cracks of the old shack. Moony started to howl in pain again as he transformed back into Remus.  Sirius circled around him, hoping that it would calm him somehow.

It didn't.

When he was fully transformed back into his breathtaking human figure, Sirius scooped him up and placed him in the bed upstairs. It didn't bother him that he was naked.

James and Peter left. He was the only one left with Remus. As Sirius was admiring how perfect  Remus was, he woke up.

" Pads, I know I'm pretty, but staring at me while I sleep is just plain creepy," he said sleepily.

Siri laughed at how cute he was . He smiled and patted the bed next to him to indicate that he wanted Sirius with him. He smiled lovingly and quickly joined the other boy. He instinctively snuggled into him.

And for that moment,everything seemed okay. He forgot the pain he just saw Remus in, and Remus forgot all the suffering he just underwent. They were  _oblivious_ to the torment in the world. As long as they had each other, they were free.

**edited 1/29/17**

 


	9. Fall Shopping

It was Hogsmead weekend. The marauders were walking, James and Peter in the front and Remus and Sirius directly behind them. The boys were chatting and laughing at the ridiculous jokes that James was telling.

Remus started longingly at the other couples. They were smiling and had their hands lowly intertwined together. He felt like he was watching a scene from a movie as they leaned into kiss each other.

Sirius tapped Remus on the shoulder.

" are you okay?"

Remus apologized and reassured Sirius that he was indeed fine.

He lied.

He felt trapped in his own skin. He wanted so badly to grip his boyfriend's hand and never let go. But, of course he didn't.

The boys were walking close enough that their arms were almost touching, their hands brushing occasionally.

At that moment James and Sirius spotted Lucius Malfoy. They snickered and whispered a their sinister plan to Peter.

" What are you morons planning this time?" Remus asked rolling his eyes. Despite his annoyed tone he had a small smile forming on his lips.

" oh lighten up Remmy, we're just having some fun," James said attempting to ruffle Remus' hair. Before he could though, the werewolf smacked his hand away. James feigned hurt and Remus, once again, rolled his eyes. The former grinned like an idiot.

~

Remus watched as his friends used the invisibility cloak to secretly hex the Malfoy. He laughed and their childlike behaviors. The lycanthrope smiled fondly at Sirius. He couldn't wait to go back into the warm common room and snuggle up with the other boy. The sighed and decided to actually use his time to go shopping.

~

Remus walked into one of the stores. He wasn't paying attention to the name, so the contents were a surprise. The whole store was filled with hats,scarves, fuzzy socks, and other fall looking things.

Remus felt strongly happy picking out a scarf and hat for himself. The store reminded him of the muggle town he grew up in.

There were too many colors and styles for Remus to pick just one pair. So he decided to get one for Sirius....

And James....

And maybe Peter too....

But that was only because they were his friends, definitely not because he wanted an excuse to buy four duos of hats and scarfs ( and some fuzzy socks for good measure).

Remus ignored the strange look from the cashier -type person as he bought the apparel. It turned out to only cost one galleon, which wasn't too expensive.

Remus moved into the next store. He heard the angry yells and slurs coming from Lucius as he passed. Of course he chuckled, because after all he was a marauder too. 

~

When The werewolf got done with his shopping he found his friends sitting under an oak tree. A basket was floating behind him filled with the goodies he had bought earlier.

He sat down next to Sirius and leaned against him ( they were out of the view of the public). He was sipping a warm butter beer, extremely ecstatic for no particular reason.

The day had started out depressing for Remus. He wanted nothing more than to be like the other couples that could show their affection whenever they wanted, but he knew that Sirius nor most of the public would accept them in the public.

Sirius asked for a sip a of butterbeer by holding his hands out. Remus gave him the mug and motioned for him to turn around.

Remus started to French braid his boyfriends hair, occasionally sticking a pretty leaf or flower into it.

Sirius hummed in happiness as Remus finished his hair. He turned around quickly and kissed the lycanthrope, catching him off guard. Remus eventually melted into the kiss.

" get a room!" James shouted at them. He and Peter laughed and walked away. They were glad their friends were finally happy.

James knew what Sirius had gone through. He had been his friend since the beg fining. And although he didn't know Remus as well, he knew he had some rough times too. 

•  
~  
•

Remus and Sirius sat snuggled together on an armchair that was far too small for the both of them. They didn't seem to care. They were comfortable enough.

Remus looked at Sirius lovingly.

" I love you," he said. He laughed.

" you know I've been waiting to say that all day"

He then proceeded to smother Sirius with a scarf.

Sirius laughed.

" Goodnight, Moony"


	10. Hello Stranger

Remus quickly walked up the long staircase to get to the library. He and Sirius had stayed up all night in the common room, not doing anything in particular, so he hadn't had any time to study. Now he was practically floating up the stairs. Of course, being the bibliophile that he is, the lycanthrope had his nose stuck in a book.

" Three scoops aconite, stir clockwise once"

The mumbling werewolf hadn't noticed a Ravenclaw coming his way. They collided and Remus dropped his book.  _The Book of Potions._

Remus got up flustered, preparing to be pissed. He looked up at the girl in front of him. " I'm sorry" He grumbled. He, evidently, wasn't in the best mood.

" What was that?" the girl asked, almost too sweetly. He voice sounded suspiciously angry.

" I'm sorry. I've just had a rough day, you know"

The girl lightened up almost instantly. " Don't worry about it. I'm Amelia"

" Remus"

" Nice book choice. You like potions?"

" They're certainly interesting, not my strong point though. That's why I'm trying to get some studying in."

Remus Scratched the back of his neck shyly. He was never good at talking to people.

" Mind if I join you?" Amelia asked, " I'm pretty good at potions, plus I need to study too. I have transfiguration essay that I'm supposed to turn in today."

" Of course not. You haven't finished yet?"

" Well, I have, but I just need to look over it again. Make some final adjustments, you know?"

Remus nodded. He knew exactly the feeling. He was more or less a perfectionist. Leaning towards the more side. " I could take a look at it if you like"

Amelia smiled. " I would love that"

The two students walked to the library, discussing various topics, like why Professor Dumbledore was obsessed with Sherbet lemons.

*

*

Sirius ran up to his friend that was currently sitting under a tree.

" PrOnGs!"

James laughed at Sirius' ridiculousness. " What is it, Padfoot?"

" I can't find Remus anywhere"

" you two have been spending an awful lot of time together, recently haven't you?"

Sirius laughed nervously. "Wh-what are you talking about, mate? Not anymore than usual"

" Alright then, why don't you spend the day with me?"

Sirius grinned. James was right. He hadn't been spending much time with the other Marauders anymore.

" I got some dungbombs the other day. We could set them off on the staircase and then bolt before Ol' Minnie finds out"

Sirius agreed wholeheartedly at his friends wonderful plan. With a quick 'Accio dungbombs' they were on their way.

*

*

The two boys were on the top of the main staircase ready to drop their treasures onto the unsuspecting group of first-years below. Sometime beforehand Peter had joined them, but neither Sirius nor James noticed when or seemed to care for that matter.

" Ready boys?" James shouted at his companions. The other two delinquents nodded.

" On the count of three.

One

Two

Three!"

All at once there was an explosion of brown and a horrendous smell clouded the air.

" JAMES POTTER," came the massive roar of Minerva Mcgonagall.

" Run!" James shouted in return. The marauders bolted before they could be caught by the woman. They turned the corner sharply and ran into a supply closet filled with old robes and unneeded textbooks. As they finally caught their breath, they all burst out laughing.

Sirius recovered first. "If only Moony were here"

*

*

Remus heard an explosion followed by screams.

" What was that?" Amelia asked. Genuine confusion and worry filled her words. Remus just sighed and held up his finger to signify her to wait a moment.

Soon the library was filled with the unmistakable smell of feces.

_JAMES POTTER_

" Well that's my cue," Remus said as the voice of the professor rang throughout the school.

" What do you mean?"

" I don't think you want to know"

" Well you are wrong about one thing," Amelia smirked, " I would love to know"

Remus sighed again, then laughed. " Well I guess you better come with me then"

*

*

After a long while of looking, Remus and Amelia finally found the boys.

" I knew I should've brought the map"

" what?"

" Nothing." Remus opened the closet door. He almost face palmed at his friends when he saw them huddled in the cramped space playing exploding snap.

James looked up at the sudden light. " Hiya Moony," He grinned, " who's the bird?"

" She's not a bird ,James. This is Amelia. Amelia meet James, Peter , and Sirius"

"Pleased to make your acquaintance" At this remark James snickered. He decided to play along ( Even though Amelia hadn't intended to be funny) and kiss her hand.

Remus rolled his eyes. " Trust me, it's not"

*

*

When Sirius had seen Amelia for the first time, he wasn't going to lie she was attractive. Light brown hair with piercing green eyes. It worried him, but he pushed it out of his mind. Now as the group was sitting in the Gryffindor common room, She had made Remus laugh several times, whilst all he did when Sirius told a joke was roll his eyes.

Remus.  _His_  Remus.

Rolling his eyes at  _him_.

Needless to say, he was not happy.

He could feel a strange feeling rise in his stomach.

_Jealousy_

He felt sick. He decided to talk to Remus about it. Remus would understand. Remus always understood.

*

*

After the rest of the Marauders and Amelia had gone to bed, Remus was reading and Padfoot was curled up in his lap. After a while, Sirius decided to talk to Remus about their new ,so called " friend".

" Remus"

"Hmm?"

" You know Amelia?"

Remus sat upright. " Yes.... What about her?"

" I don't like her"

" Why not?"

" I don't know...... I just don't think you should be friends with her"

" You can't choose my friends, Sirius!"

" I'm not I Ju-"

" No! Don't give me that!"

" I don't want you to get hurt!"

" You think I can't stand up for myself?! Besides, she's nice!"

" I don't want her to take you away from me!"

" I'm not  _yours_ , Sirius. Not everything is about you! For once, let  _me_ be happy!"

Before Sirius could say anything else the werewolf stormed off into their room angrily.

"Well........ Two can play at that game"

*

*

*

The next morning Remus wasn't at breakfast. Sirius moodily ate his bacon and toast.

' _Probably with Amelia,_ 'He thought glumly.

"What's up with you, Padfoot?" James asked, his mouth full of blood pudding.

Sirius just growled at him and continued to eat his food. James got the message.

As he was leaving the great hall, he heard someone call his name.

" Sirius!"

He turned around to see Marlene Mckinnon running up to him.

" Siri, I'm glad I caught you!"

" Why's that?"

" I heard from Rosy that you fancy me"

" What n-"

He was cut off by a kiss. He knew he shouldn't kiss back. He liked Remus, but he was angry and confused. All he knew is that he wanted Remus to feel the way he felt. Marlene pulled away.

" That sure didn't feel like a no to me"

Before Sirius could protest, Marlene locked lips with him again. He almost pulled away. Every ounce of his body was telling him to. He almost did.

_Almost_

But he didn't. He kept kissing her. It felt so wrong. He wanted to stop, but he didn't. The only thing that stopped him was one word.

One word from the mouth of the person he loved.

_"Sirius?!"_

He quickly pulled away and looked up at Remus. The look on his face was filled with agony and despair.

Sirius felt immediate guilt.

" Wait, Moony!"

The golden eyed boy was long gone. The Ravenclaw he was so fond of trailed behind him.  
  



	11. What's Love?

Sirius shoved Marlene out of his way. He sprinted faster than he ever had before up the stairs to Moony.

_Why_   
_Why did I do that?_

Although it was true that Sirius and Remus weren't technically dating Sirius still felt guilty. He felt as if the weight of his body multiplied as he ran through the dimly lit halls of the castle.

Tears were streaming down his face, but he didn't notice. He had to get to his Moony.

The Black shoved innocent soon- to-be wizards out of the way.

_What was taking so long?_

Sirius didn't even really know where he was going, but he knew he couldn't stop. Not until he saw his beautiful face again.

*

*

Remus had ran to the library. He knew it wasn't the best hiding place, but he wasn't thinking clearly. The young werewolf sat in the corner and cried.  He felt the presence of a person next to him.

" Hey it's okay. "

Remus just sobbed into the girl's shoulders. After a while Remus seemed to be running out of tears. So Amelia asked him sweetly, " Mind telling me what just happened?"

Remus lifted his head and sniffed one last time. He nodded gingerly.   
" I just- I just thought that after everything, he actually liked me. I  _love_ him. I mean, I know we weren't technically dating, but I thought I meant more to him than just one fight. " Remus rambled for a while before  concluding, " I knew it was too good to be true. Who could ever love me?"

Amelia pulled Remus close.

" Don't say that , love. I'm sure every thing will work out. For now let's take your mind off him."

Amelia looked around. She knew were the best books were in the library because she had spent most of her seven years of Hogwarts in there. Wether it be reading, or talking to friends.

She pulled out a book and began reading aloud.  She only stopped when the doors burst open and a panting, raven haired boy appeared.

He walked over to them, but before he could speak the girl stopped him.

She gave him a sad smile. " Not now, Sirius. He doesn't want to see you right now"

Sirius gazed beyond her to the boy who had stolen his heart.  He was nestled with a book in his hands tears still silently flowing, but he was smiling.

Sirius nodded and walked away.

He had ruined his one shot at being loved.

He had not been sure of his feelings for the lycanthrope.

They were the same as anyone had ever described the feeling of love.

But love was scary to the Black. After all he never knew what it was like.

The only thing he knew about love, was that families were supposed to give it, and his family did just the opposite. 

_Do I love Remus?_

Sirius had never thought about it before. He made his was to the astronomy tower. He always liked to think here.

He pondered about what that meant. To love.   
*  
*  
Sirius came to the conclusion that he did indeed love the werewolf.

He made that decision with a bottle of fire whiskey and cigarettes.

And crying.

Sobs filled the poor boys voice and mind.

He realized then that he had ruined it.  He had ruined his one shot at love.

Though he was only young, he could see that if the only person he only loved thus far was his best friend, he would never love anyone ever again.

The animagi stepped onto the ledge of the tower. He closed his eyes and thought.

He thought about Hogwarts.

He thought about his friends.

And most of all, he thought about Remus.

Remus made him feel like he could fly. More than any broomstick ever wood.   **(Hahahaha get it...... no ok I'll leave)**

He spread his arms out, ready to leap.

Ready to take flight.

But a voice in his mind scolded him.

_You're being selfish. Think of Remus. Think of all the full moons he's been through._

Sirius stepped down from the edge of the stargazing platform.

" That's right. I'll be brave. For Moony."

*

*

The drunken boy walked along the corridors, gripping the walls for balance.

When he reached the portrait he mumbled the password and tripped through the entryway.

He expected the marauders in the dormitory to all be asleep, but of course the one he was dreading the most sat wide awake on his bed.

At first Sirius thought that Remus was reading, but upon closer inspection he saw that Remus was quietly sobbing into his hands.

Sirius sat next to him and pulled him into a hug.  He hiccuped and kissed the brown haired boy's head.  Remus pushed him away gently.

" Sirius you smell disgusting. Like alcohol and smoke. Are you drunk?"

Sirius smiled.

" Of course. You think someone as pathetic as me could handle this without alcohol?"

Remus chuckled sadly and looked up at Sirius.

" you're not pathetic ," Remus hesitated for a moment," I'm sorry I overreacted. We weren't really dating and I know you would much rather have Marlene than me...."

" What in Merlin's beard are you talking about Moony? I feel nothing for her. I was just being a selfish prick, you know that"

" It's okay, Sirius, really. I've gotten used to not being loved by now. You don't have to lie."

Sirius stared at Remus in disbelief. He pulled him into a hug again.

" Moony that's horrible! Don't say that! I know plenty of people love you."

Sirius paused. He considered stopping there. He took a deep breath.

_No. I have to be brave for Moony._

"Including me"

" What?"

" I love you Remus. You're the first person I've ever loved. It's hard for me to say love, to even think about it. But now I know that I love you."

Sirius seemed to have sobered up now. Remus could see the terrified look in his eyes, despite the darkness.

" I love you too"


	12. Fun Times in the Lake

Remus, of course, was still extremely upset. He was happy, ecstatic really, that Sirius had said he loved him. But, nonetheless he still was hurting inside. He knew that Sirius was just being the overly dramatic teen he was, but he couldn't help but think that it was his fault.

That Sirius would always chose a pretty girl over him. He had trouble coping with the fact that his Padfoot really, truly loved him.

And Sirius. Sirius was still conflicted about the subject of love. He was still cautious to show his affection in public and was extraordinarily nervous that he didn't notice Moony's fake smiles or sad looks.

He was so unbelievably happy that Remus had forgiven him, he went right back to his clueless self. He would talk to James and Peter like there was no tomorrow.

Remus, however, would sit and watch as the boy he loved chatted with his friends. He had a plastered look of joy on his face, but his feelings inside was so complicated. They could best be described as a mixture of jealousy, self pity, and rage.

How dare they steal his Padfoot from him. Especially after he had said he loved him. But then again, it made sense that Sirius would chose them over him. They were his best friends and he was just some dorky werewolf. But, Sirius was Remus' mate. And the wolf in him wouldn't let him go.

As they sat at the great hall, Remus pulled Sirius closer and intertwined their fingers together. It was a quick and reckless decision and he regretted it almost as soon as he made it.

Sirius was startled at the suddenness of the action. He looked the boy and almost pulled away. But he didn't. The look of pure longing and hope filled Sirius' heart with an emotion he didn't know existed. He pulled the werewolf closer to him and continued talking as normal.

Remus smiled and leaned his head on Sirius' shoulder. He ate food and listened to the Black talk. Moony looked down at their hands and traced the lights splotches of skin on Sirius' hand with his thumb.

Sirius froze, but quickly relaxed again and sweetly kissed the top of the lycanthrope's head. He had always been self conscious of his vitiligo. It was one of the reasons his family called him impure.

The taller boy stood up and dragged his companion out of the great hall and through the doors of Hogwarts. They wandered over the the lake and sat down. Remus took his shoes off and stuck his toes gingerly into the water.

Sirius looked around to make sure no one was in the area. He pulled his shirt off and looked at Remus to do the same. Remus gave him a look. He didn't like his shirt of to say the least. It showed off his scars.

" please, Remmy. I don't like it either, but no ones here"

He gave him a pleading stare. Remus grumbled and slowly peeled his shirt of as well. Sirius kissed his nose gently and then pushed him in the water.

" Merlin's bloody balls! Sirius!"

Sirius chucked and canon balled into the lake with his dear Moony. He swam over to him and tapped his shoulder.

" Tag! You're it!"

Remus laughed. And swam after Sirius.

~

Not much later the two boys heard laughter and voices. They were familiar voices and they belonged to none other than Peter and James themselves. Once they spotted their friends swimming they immediately jumped in too.

The friends spent the day laughing and playing each other gleefully. Remus finally got tired and got out of the lake. Sirius followed close behind. They were both met with a loving   
" Party Poopers!" From James. But they continued on anyway.   
~  
Back in the boys' room, Remus flopped down on his bed, exhausted. Padfoot curled up next to him. The brown haired boy pet him lovingly. He kissed him on his muzzle and whispered in his ear.

" Thank you, Sirius. I needed that"

Sirius transformed back into his human form and pulled his Moony close to him.

" You only needed it because of what I did. And besides, we were just having fun. It wasn't anything special."

" I love you"

Sirius smiled, genuinely. Something he didn't do often.

" I love you too"


	13. I've Had Worse

_His third year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Sirius Black had made friends, played pranks, and smiled. His parents had shown signs of distaste towards the boy, but nothing too harsh. That was going to change very soon._

_Sirius boarded the train and chatted with his friends. And when he got off, he was met with the grim faces of his parents._

_Walburga and Orion Black had a family name to keep in check. So far, their eldest son had been unsatisfactory to say the least. He was a Gryffindor for one thing, but he was also mischievous and impolite._

_So when young Sirius returned home, a stern talking-to was not all that he received._

_" You are not acting like a Black. And until you learn to do so you will be punished"_

_" But father, I don't understa-"_

_" I am not you_ _r_ _father now!"_

_The boy whimpered as a cold hand came in contact with his face. Regulus watching in the background._

_" Now, we are having dinner tonight with a potential fiancé for you, Sirius."_

_" I don't want a fiancé. I'm only thirteen"_

_" Silence you good-for-nothing imbecile!"_

_Sirius heard the unforgiving sound of his mother's heals clicking on the floor. She smiled cruelly at him._

_"Good children don't deserve punishment" she said._

_" But you are not a good child."_

_She raised her wand, slightly and pointed it at Sirius._

_" Yes. You, my dear, deserved to be punished. Crucio!"_

_Sirius scream and writhed in pain. Words echoed through his head._

_Stupid_

_Disgrace_

_Cursed_

_Hate_

_With one final kick in the gut his was ushered upstairs to get ready, as if nothing had happened._

_~_

_Lyall and Hope Lupin were generally nice people. They were loving and caring. Most everyone in their neighborhood knew them as kind parents who always had people's backs._

_But what most people didn't know is that they were afraid. Scared out of their wits of their only son. The son who was a sassy and sarcastic nerd, who was also the sweetest boy you'd ever meet._

_And when Remus came home that summer, he wasn't greeted with happy hugs and kisses, he was met with nervous embraces and glances._

_He stayed in his room for most of the summer. And when he came down for breakfast in the mornings, his parents would already be at work._

_In transformations occurred he would be chained and bolted into a shed, where he would inflict damage upon himself. He would wake up bleeding and lonely._

_It wasn't until one day at the dog park, that he truly ever felt alright. Somehow a big black, fluffy dog made everything okay again._

Remus opened his eyes reluctantly as a sliver of sunlight poured through the open window. His bed felt much emptier than usual. He felt around for a bit, before realizing that Sirius had gone of to quidditch practice with James.

He blinked a couple of times to rid his eyes of sleep. He stretched his long limbs until a few popping noises were heard. He then proceeded to change into his school uniform. He did up the tie carefully and laced his shoes with nimble fingers.

Inhaling the cool morning air, he sauntered down to breakfast. He had been dreaming about a certain grey-eyed someone. It was full of intimacy and so much longing it started to scare the boy a bit.

He shook the thought from his head and continued his day as normal.

_~_

Later that afternoon there was a quidditch match between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. The crowds of exited students was overwhelming with sounds and colors. Moony and Wormtail were in the stands, as well, waiting to cheer their friends on.

Sirius and James flew gracefully onto the pitch and got into their positions. The whistle was blown and the game started soon after with a flurry of movent. James raced after the snitch. He kept it his line of sight, careful not to run into any stray bludgers.

Sirius kept his eyes on his teammates, occasionally flying to hit one of the heavy iron balls with his bat. He was a beater, and was considered talented by the whole team. He never seemed to think so.

The sound of thunder filled the air, as it started to rain. That didn't stop the game of course, and the players continued on. The rain soaked their robes and hair. The current score was 50 to 70 to Gryffindor. The game was getting more intense and the current storm was just making it worse.

James neared the snitch and almost had it in his grasp, when he was rammed into by the opposing seeker. He grunted in annoyance and sped ahead to reach it again. The heavy wind was making it hard to steer.

Sirius wasn't paying attention to James. He was trying to find the bludgers and keep an eye on the other beaters. But a shriek was heard from the stands and Sirius turned to see Peter pointing somewhere.

" Sirius! Look at Prongs!"

Padfoot quickly turned his head to find a bludger zooming straight towards his oblivious friend. He raced as fast as he could to try and stop the bludger from hitting James. The rain was making it difficult to see and whisps of the Black's hair were getting in his face. He got there just in time and readied his bat.

Unfortunately it was not the bat that collided with the bludger, it was Sirius Black.

Sirius widened his eyes in shock as he felt his ribs behind crushed by the impact. He stuggled to hold on to his broom and was bleeding through his robes. He couldn't breath and was trying to ignore the painful sensation in his abdomen.

An earsplitting scream sounded through the pitch as Remus watched Sirius from the stands. A patch of crimson was starting to be visible on the Gryffindor's uniform.

Sirius shouted a pained yell directed at James to hurry and catch the snitch and win the game. James snapped himself out of his daze and did as he was told.

He weaved through the air and finally his hands grasped tightly around the tiny winged piece of gold.

Sirius smiled at the victory, but the loss of blood was making him dizzy. His grip on his broom loosened and eventually failed. He subconsciously noted that the ground was growing closer to him at a dangerously rapid pace.

Everything felt like it was happening in slow-motion for Remus. He watched as Sirius dropped, his robes billowing around him and blood staining his side.

Madam Hootch was blowing the whistle and running towards the unconscious teen. He was breathing heavily and clutching his wound.

Remus ran frantically to the field where James and the other members of the team were waiting. He was hyperventilating and the world started to blur around him.

" Siri! Padfoot!" He shouted. He knelt down and grasped his boyfriends hand.

Sirius cracked his eyes open and smiled at his beautiful Moony. He smiled a little.

" Don't worry about me Moony. My mother could do way worse than this."

He then fell unconscious once more.

" No, No! This cannot be happening!"  
  


Remus eventually let go and let Sirius be carried to the hospital wing. He sat in the muddy grass. The rain soaked him to the bone and he shivered at the cold. Remus didn't move from that spot. He took deep breaths, trying to recover from the shock.

Suddenly Sirius' words came back to his brain. He had said them so nonchalantly. Remus knew that Sirius could sometimes be a drama queen, but there was an odd truth to his words.

Remus pondered them for a while.

Had his mother really done worse to her 14 year old son?


	14. Remembering the Past Makes the Present Hurt Less

Remus waited rather impatiently by the side of Sirius' bed. He wrung his hangs together nervously. His long fingers were stained with ink and calloused from writing with a quill so often. The tips of his fingers were nubs, really. They were torn up and his nails were ground down from constant biting. It was a habit he never got around to changing. He thought maybe it was the wolffish side of him coming out and attacking his fingers.

He brought one of the long digits up to his mouth about to bite, when he felt another hand on his arm. 

Remus looked up, surprised. He was met with a grinning black haired boy. Sirius gently pulled his boyfriends hand down from his mouth. Remus smiled sheepishly.

Sirius interlaced his fingers into Remus'. His fingers were painted black to appear more "punk rock".

" Siri?"

" Yes, love?"

Remus took a sharp intake of breath. He started to rethink asking Sirius about what he had meant earlier on the field about his mom.

" Do you remember what you said earlier?"

" I say a lot of things, Moony," he replied, urging Remus to be more specific with his question.

" About your mom..."

" oh?"

" Yeah. You said she's done worse things to you than this," he gestured to bandages wrapped around Sirius' torso.

" Oh...."

There was a pause before the animagus spoke again. He seemed to be contemplating what to say.

" Well, yeah. She.... well more both of my parents, they've done a lot of things to me."

" Bad things?" Remus asked. He was scared for the answer.

Sirius sighed. It was a deep sigh, filled with sorrow.

" Yeah... I don't really want-"

Just then they huge doors of the hospital wing burst open.

" Never fear, the deer is here!" James bellowed.

" and the rat," Peter squeaked, peeking out from where he trotted behind James.

The taller of the two boys laid across Sirius' cot and dumped assorted candies onto his lap.

" We brought sweets as well."

Sirius grinned, not at all displeased with the interruption. He grabbed a package of Bertie Bott's Every Flavoured Beans and picked one.

He threw the box to James, who also took one. He then passed it to Remus, who passed it to Peter.

Sirius made a disgusted face when he bit into his bean. He sat up and dramatically cried out " I've been poisoned!" Before collapsing back down onto the flimsy hospital bed.

Remus giggled while James and Peter laughed loudly at Sirius' behavior. Soon, the loud guffaws of Sirius Black filled the room as well.

The boy's ate their sweets in serenity. Remus momentarily forgot the worries he had for his boyfriend.

~

Sirius was released from the hospital wing due to Madam Pomfrey's exquisite healing magic.  The Marauders headed back to their dormitory.

They all gathered on Prongs' bed, Remus with a quill in his hand and James and Sirius coming up with plans for a grand prank.

Peter commended their ideas and encourage their thinking, whilst Moony would give them pointers on what could be improved.

It was a system they had perfected since their first year at Hogwarts and been the reason for the creation of elaborate pranks.

Remus reminisced on the days when everything wasn't quite so confusing. Not quite as complicated and depressing as it was now.

He was reminded of one of his favorite pranks they pulled back in second year. James hexed Snivellus while Sirius, Peter, and Remus waited on the stairs above, along with a band of eager first years.

Padfoot  had somehow convinced them that they wouldn't get in trouble if they threw a dozen dungbombs at Snape and other unsuspecting students.  James distracted Snivellus by having a minor duel, and at his signal, they all threw their bombs.

It was a rather simple prank, but was executed perfectly and was still one of the Marauders favorite pranks to this day.

Remus was snapped out of his trance by one of the other boys asking him a question.

" Huh?"

" I asked if you could think of a good hiding place near the charms classroom."

" Oh! Hmm.." Moony pondered the question. He looked over the map that was spread out between them. He pointed to a corridor that had a rather large tapestry.

" I think me and Peter could fit behind there. You and Siri would have to find somewhere else though."

James nodded his head and started scribbling ferociously on the parchment he had taken from Remus. 

Sirius grinned at the sitiuation unfolding before him. His best mates ( including his boyfriend) were all sitting under the candlelight planning one of their famous mayrders pranks.

They hadn't done one in a while, and Sirius really missed it. It took his mind off of everything that was happening with his family as well. It was perfect.

" So, we all head down the corridor and split up here," James said, gesturing to a point on the map," And then Moony and Wormtail hide here while Sirius and I sneak into this broom closet."

The other three boys nodded along in understanding as Prongs explained the rest of the plan.

" Right! So that's it then! It's all set. Tomorrow mission " Scare the pants off Proffessor Flitwick is a go!"

Sirius cheered loudly and transformed into Padfoot. He scampered around a licked Remus' face. Moony laughed and wiped the layer of dog slobber off of his face.

He pet Sirius happily, his mouth stretched into a wide smile. Another memory flooded his mind.

He remembered when Sirius had gone to the park near his house. That was when he really discovered to what extent his crush on Sirius was.  He remember how Sirius was so sweet even though Remus had not the slightest clue it was him.

Remus sighed blissfully into his boyfriends fur. Peter and James said their goodnights, so Remus and Sirius made their way over to Moony's bed.

~

The residents of the dormitory were sleeping soundly. Peter's snores and a the soft breath of James Sirius could be heard.

Remus lay awake in bed. He couldn't stop thinking about Sirius. More specifically, about how he had accused the damage to his ribs as being less than to the pain his mother caused him.

Remus was so curious and worried that is pained him. He assumed it was a sore subject for Padfoot, but he needed to know.

" Paddy?"

No response.

" Pads?"

Once again, deep breathing was the only answer Remus revived. He tried one last time.

" Sirius?"

He said it a bit louder this time. There was stirring. Sirius let out a yawn and turned his body towards Remus.

" Yes, Moons?"

"Well, I was, uh," he cleared his throat awkwardly. " I was wondering if you would mid telling me what you meant."

Sirius was quiet for a while. Remus misinterpreted the lack of response as confusion.

" You know, when you said your mu-"

" Yes, I know Moony."

" Oh."

The silence that followed was suffocating for both individuals.

Finally Sirius spoke up.

" Last summer was quite rough for me..."

Remus waited for him to continue.

" Of course they've hit me and yelled at me before, but that time was different. It was more harsh, more violent than before. "

" Oh, Siri-"

Remus was cut off by Sirius again.

" They used the cruciadous curse on me."

He spit it out like it was poison. As if he didn't say it right then and there, it would kill him.

Remus was shocked. He knew Sirius could be dramatic, but somehow this didn't seem like something he would exaggerate.

No one spoke. Sirius was scared, of course, but stayed strong. He kept up his tough facade. He didn't know what to expect.

Sirius Black was terrified of rejection.

Remus sat in stunned silence. His eyes started to water, tears threatening to spill out over his scarred cheekbones. He blinked them back, but nothing worked. Soon he was crying. His eyes were leaking like a waterfall.

Remus Lupin could feel others pain.

He hugged Sirius tightly. Sirius pulled him closer

But neither said a word.

They just clung to each other like toddlers who had lost their mummy.

They felt lost, but were comforted by the others presence. 

And soon their breaths became less ragged. They died down and evened out with the other oblivious boys in the room.

All four boys sleeping peacefully into the night.


	15. The End

Remus packed his belongings in the big oak trunk he had received for his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The once shiny,smooth surface was now fading and covered in blemishes. It was decorated in various stickers from different places, mainly shops in Hogsmead. The inside had a charm cast on it so it could fit in all of the miscellaneous knickknacks and items he had acquired over the years.

He sighed and took in his surrounds one last time before closing the heavy lid. The rest of the boys were already in the common room, waiting for him to finish packing. Remus' heightened senses picked up on the little things that most people didn't notice. The smell of the room, for example, was a mixture of old books and chocolate. There was a hint of dirty socks and smoke from all of the candles they had burned during their late night prank-planning sessions.

The werewolf grabbed the handle of his luggage and dragged it down the long staircase. By the end, he was wishing that he had remembered that he could use magic for this, he was indeed a wizard after all. Sirius spotted him struggling and rushed over to him.

" Here, lemme help you with that mate," Sirius said gallantly. He reached over almost reaching the handle, but instead, groped Remus' arse. The latter growled playfully and Sirius immediately retracted his hand.

" Just help me with this trunk, will you? It's more heavy than I anticipated," Remus stated grumpily. The Black gladly obliged and together with Sirius' strength from quidditch and Remus' small, yet effective muscles, they got to the great hall.

The said hall was bustling with exited young students ready to get home for the summer holiday. All of the large trunks were piled high in the middle of the room, ready to be loaded onto the scarlet locomotive known as The Hogwarts Express.

Sirius and James were talking to each other animatedly and Peter and Remus stood watching in admiration. The lycanthrope gazed at the other pupils chatting and took a long breath of the air.

It felt magical. Of course, this was a magic school and there were quite a few charms being cast, but this was different. Remus felt the magic of friendship, of opportunity, and of hope. He never really was a sucker for cheesy things, but sometimes he just couldn't help it.

" James, stop staring at Lily like a stalker and go talk to her!" Sirius shouted at his best friend. He gave him a slight nudge towards the said ginger.

James rolled his eyes but bit his lip nervously.

" But , what if she hates me? Or what if she doesn't like me back? It' completely possible that she's already dating someone, I mean, come on! Look at her!"

Sirius snickered at this comment.

" That's entirely true, Prongs. I guess you'll never know unless you go find out!"

The messy haired boy groaned and reluctantly made his way over to Lily.

The three other boys watched as he awkwardly started a conversation with his long-time crush. Remus laughed as his friend turned bright red at something Lily said.

Soon getting bored with the interaction, Sirius sought entertainment from his boyfriend. He took Remus' hand in his own and dragged him outside.

" Moooony," he complained, " I'm booored!"

Remus chuckled and released his friend's hand. Grinning he replied," I suggest you do something about that then, Padfoot"

Sirius groaned and dropped to the ground. Remus plopped down beside him, taking the other boy's hand once again. He rubbed little circles in it out of habit.

Sirius sighed and closed his eyes.

" I could lie here forever with you, Rem."

The mentioned boy blushed and hummed in reply.

" Yeah?"

" Definitely. I don't know how I'll survive without you."

Remus faced the taller boy and inched closer to him, ever so slightly. He pressed his lips against the animagi's softer ones. He tangled his fingers through Sirius' long black hair as the his companion played with his own curly brown locks.

Sirius sighed in contentment. The sun blazed down on them, it's powerful rays burning their skin. Remus pulled away.

" We should probably go inside or we'll get a sunburn," Remus said, almost disappointed.  
His boyfriend laughed teasingly.

" Only you, white boy."

The werewolf slapped Sirius' arm and pulled him up.

" I'm serious-" he started.

" No, I am!"

Remus rolled his eyes, giving up hope with his boyfriend's immature behavior. He dragged the laughing boy behind him and made his way back into the great hall.

~

The sound of a whistle blasted throughout the train. The Marauders were in their signature compartment, discussing what they were going to do over the summer.

" Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm doing homework! Professor Bins assigned 3 feet on the history of enchanted quills!"

" Oh, Moony! You're so boring! Don't you ever do anything fun?"

The question was meant to be a lighthearted tease, but it made Remus feel a twist of something inside.

Sirius immediately noticed the slight change in the werewolf's behavior. He shoved James and gave him a glare.

" Oh, shove off! You know, maybe you should do your homework. Then you'd actually get a decent score for once!"

James scoffed and looked at Sirius intently.

" Who are you and what have you done with my best mate?"

Sirius tried to keep a straight face, but in the end he guffawed loudly. Tears welled in his eyes from laughing so hard.

" You're right! I don't know what came over me!"

Throughout the long journey back to London, the air was filled with childish banter in the boys' compartment. Sometimes it lulled to quiet snores from various residents and hushed whispers from the others.

During one of these times, it happened to be Remus and Sirius who were awake. Sirius massaged the lycanthrope's back gingerly, while they talked of their summer plans.

" I'll probably just be locked away all summer like I was last year," Sirius said bitterly.

" Yeah, I probably won't do much besides reading."

Sirius curled up to his love and inhaled his scent.

" I wish there was a way we could see each other."

Remus hummed his agreement. He thought for a moment before an idea popped into his head.

" The dog park."

" Pardon?"

" The dog park, Siri. The one you went to last summer holiday!"

Sirius grinned like an idiot and kissed Remus' head.

" I love you, Moony."

_And they were oblivious of the years to come..._

 


End file.
